30 Mar 2015



all i wanna do now is lay down and die

29 Mar 2015

heart full of wine





a lot of learning. i'm spending my days with books.
and i have to study things i don't really like.
yesterday i was on the concert of bryan adams, 
it was amazing, and i saw him from such short distance!
i love him haha and all those beautiful songs.

28 Mar 2015

i'm everything but i'm nothing at all





i just want to be near him again. whole day is too short.

19 Mar 2015

new cliche!






i'm exploring new music and i was drawing today
sun shines and sometimes life is beautiful.
i don't wanna care about something i shouldn't.
and i want to have a lot of free time, not learning.

15 Mar 2015

lump in my throut



i'm a little bit tired. i've been learning almost whole weekend
and i've been also reading 50 shades of grey, it's quite interesting
and i found three competitions in which i want to take a part in
so now i need to draw a sketch, take a photograph and write a poem.

and i don't want to go to school tomorrow :c
i won't survive till next weekend

13 Mar 2015

running down to the riptide




i feel like i'm in cage. i miss everything and i want more and i need this warm. and i can't exist alone now, but i know i have to. and i must go on math's classes tonight (yea, exactly during night) and tomorrow i'm making a tour through second hand stores and then i'm learning. and rest of suturday i'm gonna spend on reading books. i wanna run away from something i can't get. and from my feelings, which makes me cry, but not because i'm hurt, but because i want more and i can't stand being apart. and i will spend time in unreal world with characters whose life is better and action that ends well always. oh i can't think straight.

8 Mar 2015

i miss your hands



hi,
i don't know how to start, but i have more positive energy right now.
for couple of days i've been reading this blog, from the very begenning to almost the end. i wanted to check what i was writing about, how many things had changed. and i did it, just because i like memories, which are fleeting. 
and i feel uplifted after reading this. it seems like i was so innocent, i had many attitudes to life, from the best and optimistic thinking, through fighting with doubts, to depression and as i thought, true me - realistic and pessimistic. i've been in so many places, i met with my family a lot of times, i made new friends, relationships (which end up quickly) and i had actually lovely time.
amazing thing for me is whole this life. how everything can change and how many things happens. and you only can see it after a long time, that when you thought it was bad, it was sometimes even beautiful. i love those emotions, expressions and actions. 
and i'm ready for new ones.
and as it comes to this, i have to say that the chance for a little happiness is showing up on my horizon. the reason i've been down for a really long time now might be a dream, which is coming true, for which i've been waited. i'm taking it with a distance and i'm happy of even tiny gestures.
but yesterday was such a great day, evening actually, and now i know that i mean something to him. and he means a lot to me. and now i'm more calm, just wait for what next days will bring.
and i'm happy right now. maybe it will change but again - i have lovely, the best memories and feelings in my mind. and my inside eyes watch them over and over again.
so maybe from now i will have brighter posts and thoughts. 
now i feel like doing many things, i want to get fitter, nicer, more helpful, caring and by the time learn to my final exams (which are at the beggining of may, so soon!).
and i see the spring is knocking on the nature's door. and sun, higher temperatures and warm comes.
maybe life is beautiful. i'm going to appreciate it. 

oh, it is really long post, but i couldn't resist. i want to talk and write and everything. in a minute i'm meeting with my friend. we are going for a walk. i'm taking my camera. 

maybe again i'm changing. but those changes i like.